Tragedy Strikes Again

Just in case some of you did not know...

Lauren's older sister died. She found out about it on our way home from State Championships for Forensics on Saturday night. I have no further details than this. If you would like to attend the memorial service. The information is below.

What: Memorial Service
Who: VanScyoc Family
Where: Shrine of Remembrance
When: Thursday, March 24, 2005
Time: 2:00 PM

You can call Lauren for directions. It would really mean a lot for anyone who knows the family to come in support of them. Please keep the family in your prayers in their time of need. Thanks so much.

Saturday, December 18, 2004
Summit By Candlelight & Christmas Party
Flirtatious Ludwig can Beethoven - Scherzo from Symphony No. 9

Well... The concert was great. We sang everything we had performed in the fall/winter season. We sang songs from School Blitz and 'Tis The Season. It was loads and fun. We were so gorgeous. It was at First Congregational Church. They had candles lit and dim lighting to make it more special. The light got brighter as the songs became more inspirational and jovial, je pense. Somewhere stands for some improvement for me, though. I sang my solo note at the end and it ended before everyone else was done singing. I guess because I'm a soloist it doesn't matter when I end the note but no one really noticed anyway. Brad and Colleen said that it sounded gorgeous and that it was not very noticeable. I guess they didn't notive until I told them about it. It's okay though...

After the concert we changed and schmoozed with our guests. The people who came were thrilled to see us. It was great. They all really liked the concert a lot. Devin and his mom came to hear us. They sadi ti was a great concert. That really meant a lot to me. :) Alors, before going to the bowling alley for the Christmas party, we had to go to Sarah's house so she could get some socks and change her pants (they were relly wrinkly). lolz... So, we ate pizza and let her do what she needed to. Then, J.B. opened his Christmas presents in front of all of us. He received three DVDs, popcorn, and some candy. It was nice. We finally headed off to the bowling alley, the girls in Sarah's car and the guys in J.B.'s car. It was funny. When we got to the bowling alley, everyone was there already. We bowled a game or two. It was a lot of fun. We ate some more pizza, drank soda, and had fruits and stuff. I had a blast. Everyone did as far as I could tell... We left the bowling alley around 11:30 PM to go get some ice-cream. J.B. got into trouble with his aunt for leaving the bowling alley late, so he didn't get to go with us. So Sarah, Cyndi, Devin, Sean, and I went to Baskin Robins. It was closed. So instead, we take Sean home. After that, Sarah brings Devin to his house. I walk him to his door and we hug for a long time and several times. Sarah and Cyndi yelled out the window for him to just kiss me already, and I was so embarassed. Devin and I don't need to kiss for me to be close with him or enjoy his company. He's great just the way he is, kissing or not. lol... :)

ixcrisxi at 3:21:00 PM MST

what's with the picture of my back? are you implying something? lolz j/k j/kbisous, stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 12/20/04 2:57 PM

Friday, December 17, 2004
Finals, Day 3... Done!!!
Ecstatic Jekyll & Hyde - Anthony Warlow - This Is The Moment

AP Chemistry - Well, we got into the room and studied for as long as we could. Then, we watched Channel One. After that, he told us a bit about the lab. Then, he gave us the Chapter 11 Test. It was open book!!! I was so psyched about that little detail. I received a 93% on it!!! Then, we did a lab on the triple point of dry ice. It isn't due until next semester. So, I don't have to do the "write-up" until then. lolz... I was so happy about that. Anyway, the lab was a repeat of one we did last year, so it was pretty easy.

Pre-Calculus - We got ten minutes to study and memorize formulas. Then, he gave us all about 10 sheets of loose-leaf paper, a 30-problem free response final, and 90 minutes. I knew the answers to a lot of the problems but some of them I had no idea how to do. I even skipped a few. So, I didn't do all the problems and I was completely confused on others. Scary, yeah? I did as many as completely as I could before I just turned it in after the bell rang. It made me angry to do that but I had to. There wasno chance of me getting the problems that I skipped right. It was impossible. Alors, that was that.

I went to my locker and the orchestra room to get what I could. I checked in with Monsieur Steedman to see what i got on my french final. He said that he curved it and I received an 84% on it. Without the curve, I got a 74%. So, that was pretty nice. Alors, Mom let me drive. We went to the bank and Safeway. My dentist appointment was pretty fun, I guess. I had to get a filling for a smll cavity on my back molar. So, I went in and he gave me som numbing gel and FOUR shots in the back of my mouth! He was like, "It'll only be a pinch before you won't feel anything." YEAH RIGHT!!! He stuck me good, that stupid idiot! lolz... Now my tongue and jaw and gums are numb completely. I'm just glad that I'm not drooling or anything. ;)

ixcrisxi at 2:07:00 PM MST

chere cecile!alors, tu es contente? bon! je suis tres triste, parceque j'ai recu une C en les maths! i was crying all yesterday until audrey told me to stop because i was acting stupid. tough love i guess. ;) i don't know; i've kind of decided it doesn't matter to me as much as i thought it did. i kind of knew that was going to happen, anyways. there are more important things in life to be worrying about. maybe this is God trying to tell me something. lolz, doubt it, but oh well.~ at the bottom of this comment box, it says that i'm limited to 2000 characters...do you think someone could really make their comment 2000 characters? i think i'll try that, since i'm really bored right now..so if anyone else is reading this..i wouldn't bother. ANYWAYS so i found your christmas present! haha i think you'll like it. i didn't have the money for it at the time, so i'm going to have to go back tot he mall and pick it up. i hope no one else took it; that'd be sad, parceque it had your name written all over it. lolz, audrey gave me $30 yesterday, so now i have $35 to spend on 5 or 6 people. lolz, i really did only have about 5 dollars, which was going to be hard to buy presents for everyone. goodwill anyone? lolz, j/k, but now i can buy things that aren't previously used for everyone. i wouldn't have been able to even buy things from the dollar store, parceque they have taxes on everything! plus, 1$ for everything, 7 people...hmm..do you think this is a long enough comment? oh! i haven't even commented on your entry! that's good that your finals went so well. did he add the curved final into the computer pour la classe de francais, or was that the uncurved? because i looked at my grade, but now i'm confused. i don't know. i didn't see you at all yesterday! we have to get together sometime before i leave next week..i'll call you sometime today or tomorrow. it doesn't feel like saturday. eh. oh well. okey, ttyl.bisous, stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 12/18/04 10:52 AM

Thursday, December 16, 2004
Finals, Day 2...
Mischievous Cirque du Soleil - Quidam - Seisouso

Honors English 11 - Interesting... Alors, we watched KMRG/Channel 1 and then immediately went to the writing lab to finish up our finals. I did a four paragraph essay instead of a five paragraph essay. I was just too lazy and I couldn't really think of another point to make. Well, to make this make better sense to everyone... The final was an in-class critical analysis. We were to write on the similarities and differences between the Anglo-Saxons and the Middle Ages (or the Ancient Greeks) from the heroes of Beowulf and Le Morte d'Arthur. I chose Beowulf and Bedivere as my heroes. Beowulf was an obvious choise but I chose Bedivere because he was the main character in the small excerpt from Le Morte d'Arthur that was in our Brit. Lit. books. So, I finished that and hopefully I did really well on that. I'll tell you what I received later!

AP American History - Anthony finished up our study guides for the final and printed them off for all of us in the sudy group (Prunelle, Stacy, Chris M., Anthony, Michelle, Kelly, Jessica, and me). Mr. Hulen gave us the break time and stuff to review if we needed to. We turned in out reading notes, our notebooks, and our study guides. Then, he gave us our tests. I received a score of 53/110, I think. I'll check on that and give you the precentages and a revised grade for all my classes so you know what my raw scores were. When report cards come out in January, I'll give tell you what I received for the semester. The tests were pretty hard, but that's okay.

Cyndi and I dressed really quickly after school and headed for Mom's car. Then, we drove pretty hastily to the Broadmoor for out concert. It was cool because we were actually early. So after everyone got there, we all chatted for a while and then we warmed-up with La Viene la Vieja and Allon, Gay Bergeres. It was fun for me when we started the concert. We sang a few group pieces with the Pikes Peak Singers and then we did our small set of songs. Then, as we were waiting for Bob to show up, the sister-cities council had a few guest speakers give their speeches. Then, we finished the Pikes Peak set and the rest of our group pieces. A few of the Pikes Peak Singers died off with time. They fainted and locked their knees and collapsed one by one, poor things. Alors... After the concert was over, we turned in our pearls and Sarah drove Cyndi and I home. Cyndi and I ate some lunch and then we got ready for chorale rehearsal. We went to rehearsal and got out pretty early. So, we went to 2000 Wok so Cyndi could get some chinese food. Sarah and J.B. talked and made out in the back of the car by the time Cyndi was done getting food. So, Cyndi and I sat in the front seat. Cyndi ate her food and I talked with Devin. It was fun (except for the sound effects in the back seat)! Then, after Sarah and J.B. were done playing suck-face, J.B. left for his house so he wouldn't get into any trouble. Then, Sarah drove Cyndi and I home. I ate my dinner, took a shower, and Mom french-braided my hair in pig-tails, one on each side of my head. They're really cute. Then, I went online and wrote to Devin about the Summit Bowling Party and that he could go. Then, I went to bed after a little time talking to Mike Rains.

ixcrisxi at 9:46:00 PM MST

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Finals, Day 1...
Happy Dead Can Dance - Song of Sophia

Orchestra - Pretty fun... We prepped by her showing us how to take the final yet again. Then, we had our five minute break before the actual tests started. I took my playing test during that time. I had to play an E major scale on whole notes with vibrato, A flat major scale on half notes, and an A natural minor scale on quarter notes (four quarters for each note). Then, we took the written final, which consisted of matching definitions and symbols and terms together, matching composers with their pieces, and distinguishing between different major keys and time signatures. It was fun. I finished before everyone so I went into a practice room and practiced some new pieces that I found in the music library for solo viola. I did those for a while before I retied to getting Alysha's violin and playing Adagio by Bruch. I got a lot of good practice on that. I also warmed up on the violin to a piece by Fritz Kreisler. It's gorgeous and relatively simple and popular. I could probably play it, and you'd recognize it pretty easily. ;)

French III - I did no prepping whatsoever. I just had to remember which tenses were conjugated this way or that way. Stacy gave us all some m&ms to stimulate our brains. Then, we took a break and started the Dictee. After that we did the test... It consisted of a small reading and comprehension section, conjugatings verbs, and some small culture questions from our previous class warm-ups. Then, we ahd to translate one of the passages from La Pratique du Francais Parle. That was way too easy!!! Then, we just had to freewrite approximately 150 words about anything we wanted to. So, I wrote about what I thought about French class, and then I wrote a story about a goat (my very favorite French speaking goat, no less) and how she lost her roller skates and her love for them. She eventually found out she loved skating more than anything in the world. And Stacy consoled her during all of that. Funny, huh? :*

So, right after my French final I went with Jordan. I went to his house so he could eat a piece of cold leftover pizza, take out the trash, feed his dogs, and get a movie. Then, we went to my house and I got some food to eat and he got some rice and soy sauce. Then, we popped in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. It was so awesome. I remember it pretty well for seeing it about three or four times. I love it. Everytime therewas an interesting section, I bothered Jordan about it. It was really funny. We paused the movie for a little while so we could listen to some CD that Chris let Jordan borrow with little scene snippets of conversation arranged in a fashion so that it made logical sense to the listener. It was pretty silly but kinda cool... Alors, we started up the movie again and I called Cyndi to ask if she needed a ride like three times. She only picked up the phone on the third try. So, we picked her and her fundraiser and my laptop up on Fortman and headed back to the house. She finished her Chinese lunch and we all finished out the movie. Mom got home right when the movie finished up. She wasn't a bit angry that Jordan was over. I thinks he likes him a lot more than any other guy I know. Maybe that's just because we aren't dating or he isn't my boyfriend. Comforting, non? lolz...

Sunday, December 12, 2004
It's the most wonderful time of the year.... FINALS?!?
Happy Summit Ensemble - Candlelight Carol

Well, it is the most wonderful time of the year... But finals coming wasn't the best present! lolz... Just as an update: Kevin's birthday was a blast. There were a ton of people there. Almost everyone dressed up as pirates or ladies and gentlemen and castaways even. Chris M. looked like a punk pirate. lolz.... I called him Chris the Metrosexual... ;) We played games that we could 'bend the rules' in. We also played Hide and Go Seek and Capture the Flag. It's fun. I had a ton of fun. We had to speak like and act like pirates. We had sword fights and gun duels. We even picked captains and cried mutiny, too. =) Alors, on with FINALS!!! ARGH!!!
The picture above is funny to me. D'you like it? I sure do. I'm liking this holiday season a lot. I've been talking Devin really late lately. lolz.. Nice word choice, I know... Alors, I find that he's really easy to talk to given a topic to talk about. lol. We've got a problem finding things to talk about. But... We always end up having awesomely long conversations that I enjoy. Just what I want to fall asleep to... :)

I've got Christmas gifts to give out, too. I bought a bunch of candle things and cards and such to wrap and give out. Well, actually Mom bought them all for Cyndi and I to give out. So far we've got gifts for Chelsea, Miss Snyder, etc. I'm thinking of giving Stacy and my closer friends something special. Devin already has a HUGE HINT as to what his gift could possibly be. lolz... It's more than what he thinks it is probably. Since I know you're reading this, Devin, Tu es mignon beaucoup, je sais! :*

ixcrisxi at 4:51:00 PM MST

wow, can you really write a 2000 word comment? i'll have to try that after finals are over...right now..not time...but i'm so going to do that. get ready for that fun comment!bisous, stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 12/12/04 6:58 PM

Friday, December 10, 2004
HOORAY for me...
Happy SHeDAISY - Santa's Got A Brand New Bag

This is soooo awesome!!! Mom and Dad said officially that I could go to Kevin's birthday party! I'm so excited. My grades still aren't good enough for me to go technically but my parents decided to just let me go and have some fun, I guess. They first didn't know who he was but they decided that it was okay after all... ;) Anyway, Devin and Cameron have a brass band concert for their church tonight. I hope it goes really well. They're both very talented players!

I made up in some shape or form with Danielle today in French class. I was way too chicken to ask her out into the hallway to talk alone so I wrote her a note. She said the same thing that Jordan says to me a lot, "I can't change the things I do wrong to you if I don't know what they are. You can't just bottle it up inside and blow up at me later!" So I took that into account and I'll try to be better about that. I have to bring red flags to their attention...

My Pre-Calculus grade is topping out at 63.54 or something like that. He's still got two more assignments to put in there before the final so I'll see if it might turn into a 65. That would rbing my grade up drastically and help me very much on the final. French finals will be a breeze for me since I just have to memorize conjugations. AP Chemistry should be okay for me also because we're doing a lab and taking the Chapter 11 test. The test part of the exam is about fifteen multiple-choice questions so I should do pretty well on it. The lab is something about dry-ice. It'll be fun for me. It's explosions... Well, it's more like a simple lab that could easily explode if I'm not careful enough with it. It's a lab where we see how much pressure can be built up into a closed pipet before it explodes. It's going to be a ton of fun for me. I love labs.
Alors, I have to go get ready for Kevin's party. I'll tell all about it when I get back. I may even post pictures for you all to see. I just need to find a satchel-like thing to hold it in so it fits into the costume with ease. I'm going as a pirate. I've got jewelry and scarves and breeches, whites socks and buckled shoes.

ixcrisxi at 5:42:00 PM MST

well have fun at kevin's party! it sounds like you'll have fun. you won't believe what i just did, cristina. i ACUTALLY turned my mom's offer down of taking me shopping. i was like "no, i have to study", and i was thinking to myself 'what have i become?! i'd rather study than shop?!'. that's not really the case...long story..you can read it in my journal! my page is http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=x_APPLE_martini_x . okey, well i guess i'll go back to shutting the rest of the world our FOREVER while i study math. well..until i go to the swim meet tomorrow at 6 a.m...BUT UNTIL THEN. okey, i'm done.bisous, stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 12/10/04 6:14 PM

Thursday, December 9, 2004
missing simple reality
Quiet

I find that in time I have become somewhat of a contradiction to the things that I once held true within me. I used to believe so much in an eye for an eye before I read Matthew 5. I used to want to be social and in love more than anything else but that has changed much in the past few months. I want love but the social thing isn't as much of a burden on me anymore. I let some things slide but it seems that I should still choose my battles more wisely. I've hurt a lot of people in the past few months and I'm beginning to think I might be prone to it. Since I'm more optimistic than that, I'll think otherwise however. I miss that simple sense of reality that seemed to be almost too good to be true as most people believed it when they were one or two. Of course, we can't remember all that well what that actually was... I mean, the innocence and ignorance of the world was everything and nothing all at once. We didn't know so we didn't care. Learning new things was so easy because we had so few life experiences to fall back on. Everything was new... Everything was so gold and glittery, like looking through rose-colored glasses. Yes? Alors, I sometimes wish for that simplicity again.

Have you ever heard the song Simple Gifts? It's one of my favorites merely because of it's message. It says that the simple things in life are what life is worth living for, not the gifts and material objects we share with one another. It's the emotion and beauty of living that we should share and cherish with others. I used to worry about whether or not people would accept me for who I was... I still do, for that matter. But it doesn't affect me like it used to. I used to beat myself up all the time to try and be as pretty or as thin or as nice or as talented as other people around me. I lived my life inenvy and jealousy. I was so selfish and big-headed that I didn't realize my own talents as they formed. I begin to realize now what a great actress I am (and what great actors others are). We all put on facades each day around different people. It's like a masquerade ball that never ends. What if we could shed that mask for one day to see who we really are on the inside? Would I be proud of myself?

I find that lies and deception lead may peoples' lives, including my own. There is certainly that person in everyone's life who you'd hang up on or not answer their calls or ignore them in the hallways or just simply take them for granted. Why? We can't see past ourown insecurities and red flags to see who that person really is. You always hurt the people you love the most... But sometimes, some of the people you hurt aren't really the ones you love. That's always a good thing to remember.

In Matthew 6, it says that you should love your neighbor (this being repeated several times throughout the Bible). It's so true. No matter how much a person aggravates you or irritates you, you have to listen and try to understand, respect and be patient. I often find myself losing control when I'm getting irritated with some people. That needs to stop because despite how much those people drive me insane, there is a lot that I can learn from them. Everything in life is a learning experience and I think that I should treat it that way. Whether it is remembering not to lose control in an argument or not to eat that soup again, everything teaches you a lesson.

In summary, I need to love my neighbors (no matter who they are), be honest with myself and others, and remember that everything in life is a learning experience leading to an eternity with God. This is the most precious gift of all.

ixcrisxi at 9:16:00 PM MST

Wednesday, December 8, 2004
Confusion mounts...
Quiet

While I still think I need to talk and form some type of a friendship with Collin. I'm wrong in thinking that I need him, him as in his personality and spirit. I've survived pretty well with those who enjoy my company already. I mean, what is in the past is in the past and I shouldn't try to mend old wounds before they're ready for a new casing. Y'know what I mean? I've been unfair to Devin in some rights. I've kinda let spill my emotions and everything that has happened to me in the past. I'm not sure what that lays in his mind. I'm sure that it did not to please him or maybe he didn't even change his perspective on me. I'm worried about him though. Despite my cold and my obvious lack of any compassion at times, I feel that something is wrong in him right now. He seems uneasy and I'm not sure why. Mostly because he won't tell me but I totally respect that. Everyone gets the same way at one point or another. Don't they? Je ne sais pas...

I said some stuff to Danielle today that I probably shouldn't have. One, because it wasn't my place at all. Two, because I value her friendship despite how much she can aggravate me sometimes... I don't know. She's kinda irritates me much of the time but I love that she is so confident about herself. Maybe I perceive her achievements as my imperfections. Envy is a sin if harbored too deeply. Plus, when she gets under my skin, I'm supposed to turn the other cheek. Reading the Bible afterschool with Jordan today really helped me realize some of what I have interpreted wrong in what I read in the Bible. It helps to have someone to talk to with you about it. That way, you don't steer yourself in the wrong direction, know what I mean? Anyway, I need to apologize about how I spoke to Danielle and because I hurt her feelings. I may not necessarily be too sorry about some of the things that I said, but I do need to be fair to her by saying how I feel honestly.

Alors, back to Devin (he's been on my mind a lot lately)... Honestly, I'm falling for Devin. It may be too soon for me to say that officially but I'll say it because I feel it now, very much so... He's always nice to me and understands me (at least from what I can see). I think I might he holding myself back too much from him though. True, I need to put grades and me before him for now... But he's important almost the same or more as those (the me part is hard to explain, so I won't). ;) I don't know... I'm confused because I'm not sure where this is going , seldom does anyone ever really know where they're truly going in life. As long as I keep God in my heart, I know he'll guide me and show me the path I need to travel. I never really questioned myself with God before meeting Devin. It's strange how it all happened. Suddenly, I feel a need to learn about God and do something with my life (besides the drama that clouds my vision). A spark is all you need to build a blaze, but you need a gallon of water to put it out. In some ways, I've started a forest fire of mistakes and mishaps.

ixcrisxi at 9:34:00 PM MST

Saturday, December 4, 2004
Rehearsals for the 5-Group
Sad Rent - Seasons of Love

This is really confusing to me, most of all... I want to talk to Collin but I feel that I can't. It's so hard seeing him after all of this. I just want to be able to talk to him like nothing had ever happened but something did and it hurts me. It hurts to know that there were probably eight million things that I could have done about it, y'know? I wanted to push him away and smack him but I couldn't. I was almost is absolute shock. It struck me like nothing else but at the same time I almost as if I enjoyed it. But if I had really enjoyed it, why would I have felt so guilty and so abashed by it? It hurt me as well as it hurt him. It hurt Collin more than anything I could probably every imagine. He loved me and it seems that I abused that in many ways. I wanted love from him and he gave it to me. I jsut couldn't seem to reciprocate in the right ways. It feels weird to still want something there when I know that that cannot happen. I've 'moved on.' I still think and write and talk about Collin to a point of exhaustion. He's so much still a part of my life that it is almost sickening. It's crazy that I still feel these things after this short time but I do... I still feel everything I used to feel for him. I still feel that love that I could not possibly express. It seems that everytime I find something good, no matter what it is, I always mess it up. I hate this feeing of being locked within a ghost of myself. I see my mistakes and try to correct them but it seems that they just spring up worse the next time around in a different situation. I like getting kicked in the butt for it but I'm not sure how many times life's ironies will let me live anew. I mean, I have survived, mostly unscathed emotionally, these attacks on me by myself. How much can I actually serve to myself before it kills me inside? I hurt Collin more than I could hurt most people in that one act that could have been prevented. Why talk about the past that I can't change? I don't know. I just feel overwhelmed wit a sense of the unknown because I miss him. I just miss being alright with him. I don't expect anything to come of Collin and I, as far as it ever going back to the way it used to be, together... I just want there to be some type of friendship... Some type of acquaintance. I just need him in my life. He's like the person in everyone's life who understands and helps you through everything. This sounds so desperate... Mais je suis! Je ne peux pas aller s'il n'est pas dans ma vie. J'ai besoin de lui. Je l'aime! Maybe I always will... I don't know. I'm so confused right now. Everything has just kinda piled up on me. Then again, I dug my own hole and should be able to get out of it, yes?

ixcrisxi at 10:42:00 PM MST (Link to this entry)

Cristina, nous avons besoin d'avoir un parle sérieux...you're never going to get yourself out of your hole if you keep doing this...talk to me tomorrow...bisous, stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 12/6/04 8:34 PM

Saturday, December 4, 2004
Upcoming Concerts
Happy

Here are my upcoming concerts in case anyone wants to go to one of them!
Symphony Guild Home Tour: 5630 Butler Court, Dec. 4, 11 am, $15 per ticket at door
'Tis The Season - Our Gift to You: 190 S. Cascade (Pikes Peak Center), Dec. 5, 3pm, $10-$16 for tickets at door ($5 rush tickets for It Takes Five! Members)
Winterfest I: Mesa Ridge High School Auditorium, Dec. 7, 7 pm, $1 students/$2 adults at door
Winterfest II: Mesa Ridge High School Auditorium, Dec. 14, 7 pm, $1 students/$2 adults at door
Summit By Candlelight: 1st Congregational Church, Dec. 17, 7 pm, $8 per ticket at door (I have 4 free tickets for those who want to go, first come first serve, obviously)

ixcrisxi at 9:19:00 AM MST

Thursday, November 25, 2004
Thanksgiving Weekend
Happy

This weekend has been pretty great so far! I'm over at the Stapletons' House. We already ate Thanksgiving dinner. It was great. There was this green bean stuff, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, turkey, ham, rolls and butter, and a lot of drinks. It's fun. T.J. and everyone else are playing Halo 2. It's really awesome, if I do say so myself. I'm kinda bored right now because there isn't much for me to do at the moment.

I went and spent the day with Jordan yesterday. It was a really interesting day. I had told Jordan on Tuesday to call me to wake me up at 8 in the morning. He called me and I got up and changed and ate and got ready. He fell asleep and called me around 9:15 because he was late. So he jumped in the shower and came and picked me up. We went out for a coffee and he forgot his wallet. lolz... So, I bought myself a coffee and the guy behind the counter said that Jordan could take the coffee he wanted since it was already made and there was no use in just wasting it like that. So, we went to Jordan's house. We watched movies and talked. We played Clue and then he showed me Paper Mario. We played Kirby's Air Ride; it was fun, except for the fact that I sucked at it. lolz... I just need practice! ;) Then, we went upstairs to watch the Family Guy he recorded. The one where they do the remake of The King & I. It was really funny but I had already seen it. lolz... Then we went to Goodtimes for lunch. We went back to my house and ate. Jordan gave me my money back for the coffee since he had intended to buy me it. Then, he wouldn't let me pay for my own lunch! I kept giving him the money but he'd throw it back at me! What a guy, eh? lol... Alors, at the house, we played Sims 2 and went downstairs and watched t.v. Cyndi and I got into an argument and Jordan calmed me down. It was a really bad argument, too. It was the first time in a very very long time that I had ever cursed like that. I hate yelling but I just found that I couldn't control myself almost. It took me realizing the things I said and just having Jordan calm me down before I just had to sit and pray. I prayed and thought about what I did. I couldn't forgive myself for letting go of my composure. It was really horrible. I amde up with Cyndi and went to my Ortho. appt. Then, we went home and ate dinner and hung out. I talked to Devin, too. I felt bad because I wanted to talk but had too much on my mind to have a decent conversation with him. I have to make that up to him because he didn't deserve me putting him on the backburner because of what was on my mind.

ixcrisxi at 7:13:00 PM MST (Link to this entry)

You're silly, Stacy! How's your Thanksgiving btw? Good, I hope. lolz... :* You know how I feel about that remark, Stacy! Have you been drinking again?!? rofl... o;)

Comment from ixcrisxi - 11/25/04 8:26 PM

heh, if i didn't know any better, i would think you and jordan were dating..

Comment from missamerica1055 - 11/25/04 7:46 PM

Sunday, November 14, 2004
My 17th Birthday...
Quiet Utada - Tippy Toe

Wednesday (10th) - I woke up and went to school. It was a ton of fun. I went to AP Amer. History and Pre-Calculus and was sung Happy Birthday to. It was so nice. Jessic Booker brought me a piece of fudge, too. ;) Later that day, a bunch of people showed up to my party. We played Guesstures and Twister. We also watched Shrek 2. Morgan stayed over for a really long time. Davita, Janelle, Stacy, Prunelle, and Kelly spent the night. Cyndi fell asleep first. Then it was Stacy and I. The other stayed up really late talking to Morgan on the phone. lolz...

Thursday (11th) - Stacy and I woke up early and ate so we could go to the Rake & Run. It was a ton of fun. We raked two houses (Morgan, Stacy, Cameron, Jessica, and I). I got to listen to music and eat and hang out with Morgan and Cameron. It was a ton of fun. When I got home, everyone who spent the night was still there. So, we cleaned house and played games with Morgan until everyone left. Morgan was locked out of his house so he stayed over until he had to go to D-Group. We talked about Jordan and I and Devin and I. It was fun, I guess.

Friday - First Summit concert of the year. It was pretty good except for some bad entrances.
Yesterday - Intensive... We worked on interpreting music. Brad and Colleen gave me some pointers on how to make my tone on higher notes in my range more clean and rich sounding. I bought Utada's Exodus CD. It's so good. I recommend every buys it!

Today - Today everyone woke up late. So, we all decided to just stay home instead of going to church. We went to Wal-Mart together to exchange Cyndi's shoes. We ended up buying me a nice pair of leather shoes and a new t.v. (among other things). Then, I went home and ate and played Sims. I called Devin to see if he could pick me up but then Mom and Dad sadi that they weren't going wherever they were going to go. lolz... So, Dad took me over to Devin's. I gave him his card and he said 'Thank You' in the most bashful way ever! It was cute! We watched Minority Report and then ate pizza. We looked up words in the dictionary (highlight of the evening... j/k). ;) Nah... I had a great time. I spent a lot of time just looking into is eyes. He has gorgeous eyes. I think that this is the perfect time to say that I really am tomber pour lui d'un peu... Just a little... ;)

ixcrisxi at 9:30:00 PM MST

chere cecile!le week-end, c'etait tres amusant! le anniversaire de toi, c'etait amusant, aussi, mais les filles qui passe la nuit a chez toi, elles sont tres bizarre...elles ont parleont avec morgan pour...deux heures? janelle....*wink wink* est-ce que tu as aimee le 'rake and run'? je ete tres froid! et je suis malade une peut. :( alors, j'ai trucs des devoirs, alors je suis parti. je t'aime!bisous, stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 11/16/04 8:04 PM

Hey CristinaI'm can't believe that I'm really writing in here. I'm not sure when you'll read this. I love all the stuff you write in here. Oh ya, I hope you don't care that I'm reading it sometimes. =). You're so nice and sweet. I fell as If I don't deserve you, but that won't stop me. I just wanted to say thanks for all the things you say about me, It can really make my day. Thx.Love,Devin

Comment from musicboywonder - 11/15/04 8:52 PM

Monday, November 8, 2004
A Change of Pace...
Happy Octavio Paz - Little Birds (Performed by the Summit Ensemble)

Well, a new day is over with. I got up really early this morning, like around 7 or 8 or something. I automatically went into my bathroom and took a shower. It felt really good so early in the morning after a good night’s rest. I had stayed up a long time with T.J. on the phone. We had a great conversation. It was fun. We talked about the times we hung out this summer and what we should do together when we bring our grades up and can go out again. Sounds fun already, lolz…

Mom let me drive to church today. It was fun. I actually only drove to the Wal-Mart on Palmer Park way up north. The turns and the roundabout and the parking lot is crazy. Lolz… I really need to work on that parking thing, btw. ;) In church, we had our communion service. They dismissed us for our Sunday School lessons. Our teacher was going to be gone that class so the Middle School teacher was coming to teach us this class. He taught us about investing and saving our money, and our lives are affected everyday by what we do today. I was waiting for him to tell us how that had anything to do with God, but I didn’t out of politeness. He eventually said ‘Let us pray.’ But he ended the prayer and said he’d see us next week. Made me kinda angry but oh well… I wanted a lesson. I wanted to learn about God and communion or just sit and read the bible. Ugh!

Devin called me. We talked about Dare to Share and how it went for him and how I should have gone. I totally agree with him on that one! Lolz… Alors, let me tell you about Devin. I haven’t mentioned him much other than I spent time with him at State Fair, we almost went to Homecoming together, and he’s my boyfriend. Lolz… Like most of the new people we meet in life, he’s not immediately easy to talk to. That just takes time. He’s nice and so sweet, though. He understands and just made me feel comfortable with him very quickly. I can trust in him to tell me the truth and give me his honest opinion. He’s funny and smart and very musically talented. I know I’m like bragging on him but he is really all that. He’s such an awesome person. Despite his being younger than me, he’s actually on my level. He’s just such a great guy (and good-looking, too). ;)

I know what I want out of a relationship. Dating is all about finding the one you want to marry and finding out what works and what doesn’t. I learned a lot from dating Collin for about 2 years. Haven’t talked to him much since the drama back in July, but I miss him. He was totally understanding of my moods and what went on inside my head. It was great. I could talk and relate to him. He just made me feel at home. I find now, though, that Devin does this for me too. It just took a little less time than it did with Collin. I’m glad that all is well with Devin and I. I really couldn’t ask for more right now. I mean, he asked my Dad is it’d be all right to date me. Talk about chivalry! He’s so polite and nice.

I’m an old-fashioned person. I’d take flowers and a great conversation over music and good food any day with that special someone. I find that with everything I’ve been blessed with, I’m most thankful for my family and friends. My family because they’ll always be there for me and guide me; my friends because they’ll always give me that extra kick in the butt to help me along. Myra for example did the right thing in telling Collin what had happened because I hadn’t. I intended to but waited too long. He really should’ve known way sooner. I was stupid and I made a huge mistake that cost me three great friends. Myra said she was over what happened earlier. That makes me over-joyed. She was my best friend for the longest time. I could confide in her because I trusted in her so much. Maybe a new friendship can spring anew from our experiences as they were…?

ixcrisxi at 5:17:00 PM MST

Saturday, November 6, 2004
Alone again...
Quiet Miss Saigon - Sun and Moon

"Sun and Moon" is such a beautiful song. It's my favorite from Miss Saigon. It's a really good Broadway Musical if any of you were wondering. lolz...

School has been pretty good lately. I have been turning in all of my assignments, and I'm actually understanding what we're learning in AP Chem. It's pretty awesome. Mom and Dad went to Cripple Creek tonight, and Cyndi is off at Michelle's house. Mom said that I have to be able to get up by 9 tomorrow morning so I can drive us all to church. lolz... For her not letting me drive until my grades are up, she's letting me drive an awful lot. ;) Ah well... I guess you take advantage of all of the opportunities life presents you, right?

I called Jordan to ask him over to watch movies but he's in Denver at Dare To Share with Cameron, Devin, Lydia, Kevin, and Morgan, and a bunch of other people. Jordan said that he's learned a lot and is having a great time with everyone. So, they left for the arena again for one last concert and lecture and then they're heading home for the weekend. I told him to tell everyone hi for me.

I called T.J. but he didn't answer his phone, so... I guess he's not home or can't call me or he's busy. I don't blame him, being in the same situation as me. I hate it when I try to make things work but they just break apart.

Devin and I are doing pretty well. He calls me, and we talk a lot on the phone and during school. It's pretty awesome. There still isn't that connection that I have had with other people but I know that that will take time. He's younger and never had relationships like I have, so I'm actually happy for the change in pace.

Wish me luck on my concerts coming up and on my grades... God Bless.

ixcrisxi at 6:43:00 PM MST

Saturday, October 30, 2004
New Perspective on Life
Silly George Bizet - "Au fond du temple saint" from Les Pêcheurs de Perles (The Pearl Fishers)

This weekend has been somewhat perplexing to me but I'll try to explain it as best I can. I can't remember things quite chronologically right now but bear with me. lolz... ;) Donc, allez viens....
Monday - I went to school like I usually do. Then, afterschool, I skipped Girls Scouts to help out with the Halloween Congress for Forensics. It was a ton of fun. I dressed up as an evil stepsister with Stacy. We looked so good. Everyone had cool costumes. A group of our team were the gang from Scooby-Doo! Adam was Greg, and that was so awesome that he came back to help us judge a bit! lolz...

Tuesday - Not much today. We had to go to chorale early today because a representative from Conchordia College came to talk to us. She also fed us some pizza for dinner before our official rehearsal. I won a CD of Faculty and Ensemble Performances. It's pretty cool... Sarah, Cyndi, Molly, and I went for chinese food at 2000Wok afterwards. It was really good. I had egg fried rice with hot and spicy chicken. Cyndi had the same thing. Sarah had egg drop soup and sesame chicken. Molly had sesame chicken with chow mein. It was a lot of fun. We sat and talked about a ton of things. Sarah explained to us what a head-ache prayer was. It's where you look like you have a head-ache while praying so people don't know that you're praying. I don't think taht you should ever not want people to see you praying. It's something to be truly proud about.

Wednesday - Small band practice for Friday's game.

Thursday - No summit today. I had an AP Chemistry test and recieved a 45%. Not too shabby since we get to redo it at home with our books this weekend for 1/2 credit. So, that means that my 45% could potentially turn into a 72.5% roughly. That'd be majorly cool for me. That'd be my second high test grade. Expecially since all of my other ones are like 50%s. Anything to bring my grade up is in the running. I'm hoping that the accumulation of turning in all the assignments with full credit and getting better test grades will up my grade from a D to a C by semester so my transcript will yield me a B for the class. If I have a C in the class, the weights my grade to 5.0 instead of 4.0, thus a B in the class.

Friday - Football game! It as so much fun. The last home football game of the year and the last field show and performance of the seniors in marching band. It's so much fun. Everyone laughed and cried and cheered their hearts out. Our performance was so awesome this time. We had nothing to compete for and we could just have fun and goof off and be ourselves. It was so great!

Today - I cleaned my room, made my bed, changed into a chorale shirt and jeans, and ate breakfast. Then, I started my laundry. I put DVDs away I had taken out of the cases and I watched two of those Disney Halloweentown movies. Cute and funny. lolz... Mom called and asked me to boil this pot of tempura and rice cake... I left it unattended while playing The Sims and it burnt. I had to clean that and explain it to my mom when she got home. She wasn't happy about it but she said it was okay. I managed to save most of it from sheer destruction. lolz Cyndi went to Jessica's Halloween Party under the stipulation that she couldn't go Trick-or-Treating tomorrow night. Kinda sucks that I have to find someone else to do that with. lolz... Oh well... We're going to Bingo tonight, too. Dad has already been but Mom, Cyndi, and I haven't been this year... Donc, this is most of our first times this year (the very first time for Cyndi). Mom went once last year when Cyndi was at Western Slope Honor Choir. lolz...

ixcrisxi at 6:49:00 PM MDT

Thursday, October 28, 2004
Pre-Calc...
Worried

My Pre-Calc grade is slowly declining. I had a 62.0 then a 61.0 and now a 60.31. Eeks!!!! lolz... ;) I'm working on brining it up because Dad said that he'd drive with me every night if my grades were at least Cs. A 'C' average is all I need to learn, but I need a B average to get my license. Wish me luck. My AP Chem grade is slowly going up. I'm glad for that since it is my hardest class. I haven't seen Devin all day, ah well... I'll see him for a bit at lunch.

ixcrisxi at 9:43:00 AM MDT

get your crap together cristina. ;)

Comment from missamerica1055 - 10/29/04 5:54 PM

Wednesday, October 27, 2004
mes mauvaises notes...
Hopeful

Yeah... So, I've been working on my grades and it looks okay so far. I mean, I have a D in AP Chem and Pre-Calc and a C in Honors Eng 11. If I can bring every grade up to at least a C or keep the good ones at As or Bs, whatever they are, Dad will drive with me. So, I'm working on getting those two Ds up. The C should be a B by the end of the semester but I'm not exactly sure about that right now. That's just boring news for now.

ixcrisxi at 10:00:00 AM MDT

Wednesday, October 20, 2004
new beginnings...
Happy

Guess what?!? Devin asked me out yesterday after March of Champions. It was so cute. He said, "Cristina, you know that I like you. So... I would like it if you would be my girlfriend, and I could be your boyfriend." I said yes, of course. It was so cute. I'm glad that it FINALLY happened. lolz... ;) I'm glad that's over with, though. He asked my dad if he could ask me out and my dad said yes but not to expect me to be doing too much if my grades were up and we weren't honest with him. I'm mostly honest with him. Most of the time, I am, at least... lol Well, I better get back to Health class now... Bye!

ixcrisxi at 9:55:00 AM MDT (Link to this entry)

YAAAY Cristina!! that's awesome to hear!! Congratulations!! i'm really happy that you finally got what you deserved!! have fun with it!! luv Jordan

Comment from superprep40 - 10/22/04 9:49 PM

Ah, Cristina! I'm so happy for you! Devin seems like an awesome guy. Sorry I wasn't here today...I forgot I had this peer mediator thingy all day. :-DBisous, Stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 10/20/04 7:21 PM

We did it!
Ecstatic Ashlee Simpson - Just Let Me Cry

Guess what!!!!???!!! Our Marching Band made State Quarter-Finals! We have a state ranking of 18th, the cut-off for State. So on Friday, we'll head up to Grand Junction to perform. We have March of Champions on Tuesday up in Denver. Wish us luck there, too! I'm so excited. The football game yesterday was really cold to me. I dropped my sabre twice and got caught in my sleeves and the sash on my uniform hundreds of times, which hindered my performance. Mr. Olivas said that we all did well considering the cold and how we performed at Regionals. Alors, all is well between Jordan and I. He resolved that God was yelling at him to stop doing whatever he was doing. God yelled at me loudly today, too. I didn't even take into any consideration the words of my friends or any of the signs God had given me to change my life around and live for Him. Now I know what I have to do. I'm praying constantly for Jordan and myself and all of the people around me. I hope all goes well with band and that my grades will go up and stay there.

ixcrisxi at 11:42:00 PM MDT

Friday, October 15, 2004
a thought poem
Sad

I'm blind to so much right now. Man, Devin is so cute. I love the way he talks to me and warms me when I'm cold. He's such a nice guy. Jordan is really starting to get under my skin but I won't let him. My parents won't let me go to the Sierra Novice tomorrow to judge because I did't vaccuum the house like I was "supposed" to. They never told me, neither did Cyndi. So, I'm being penalized for their mistake again. I hate that so much. Life is so frustrating. My grades are poor and I am so behind in my chemistry. I need to get ahead somehow. Maybe I should just take a weekend and just do all the work ahead of time so I don't have to do it later. Yeah... Alors, French class is really fun. I'm having a blast and enjoying myself so much. I love it. I'm confused yet not in reality... I pick Devin because he's a great guy and I am attracted to him, and I refuse Jordan for spite and because he's naggy and loves putting me in bad situations. Ugh!!!

ixcrisxi at 11:05:00 PM MDT (Link to this entry)

That really sucks that you didn't get to go to the Sierra Novice! It was pretty fun. Don't worry about the grades; we still have two more months until they "technically" count, and between now and then, I can teach you my effective methods of B.S.ing and getting away with it. Take my advice, it's easier than actually learning, lolz! But seriously, if you need any help with h/w or studying or etc, just call me! And about your whole love triangle you have going on...Jordan seems like a nice person, but not really the right kind of person you need right now, you know? Plus, if you really want to date him, you won't have second thoughts, and he wouldn't be putting you on a guilt trip. That is a DEFINATE red flag right there. Devin is an awesome guy; ta bonne amie, moi (of course! lolz), est tres jolie quand je pense le deux de toi...petit ami? lolz I don't know how to say that in French; I tried! Just don't stress out over it; it's definately not worth it in the long run.Bisous, Stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 10/16/04 10:42 PM

Tuesday, October 5, 2004
broken thoughts
Quiet

D’abord le monde ri à moi.
Tout le monde…

sometimes it’s hard to comprehend exactly what people want for you. for all you know, the world could crash down on you and all would rejoice. pessimistic ideals flooding over the land as if God send a plague to devour all of man. All breaking thoughts crashing over the beach of lost souls. every feeling within me broken up like I'm lost. can't I live freely anymore? why can't I feel my fingers or see my own face in the clear? used to hold myself high in regard when all that was around me seemed unreal and unexplained. wanting to make all right in every way for everyone. so many small mistakes so often made it's ridiculous! all I ever wanted was to succeed yet I realize that my successes are shadowed by small failures that eventually amount to larger problems. hurts to feel like this at all. reason is imminent. learning a lesson for my selfish behavior. like I am human I can change. I will change. cannot be the person I have told myself I wasn't. need to live for him all the time and not just now or occasionally. forever... C'est tout!

ixcrisxi at 9:07:00 PM MDT

I would have made this a whole lot better, but after reading T.J's comment, mine just doesn't seem as good, lolz. All I can say is that if you ever need someone to talk to or anything at all, I'm always here for you Cristina! I know how you feel, with all of my problems that you know about, and even the stuff I haven't told you. Sometimes life can get so overwelming, that you don't know what to do about, but you can talk to me anytime. I heart you Cristina! Bisous, Stacy

Comment from missamerica1055 - 10/13/04 6:52 PM

Sometimes it's hard to know what we want for ourselves too cris, you and i know that probably better than most. Love and living shouldn't even be allowed, it's just too confusing and too hard, again we know this first hand. But when you feel alone, cold, lost, transparent; we must look to our friends to help us in our time of need, and even if you don't think they can help you know deep down that talking to your friends and spending time with them probably won't hurt.Try to stay happy Cris, Love Always, T.J.

Comment from ko55tj - 10/11/04 6:02 PM

If life was clear all would be blind, pained and burdened upon uor own time, is lost in thought with mind so far gone, now is time, the time to find ourselves in others, are the key to help, ourselves.We are all lost and do not know answers to our problems, through life and living comes our answers, others who have lived with and before you know the answers.

Comment from ko55tj - 10/10/04 11:06 PM

Saturday, September 25, 2004
Sleepover @ Stacy's House
Sad 98.9 MAGIC FM

The sleepover pictures are from a while ago. I just forgot to post them for you all to see!
Alors, the past few weeks have been a blur with the wedding, school, boys, marching band, orchestra, chorale, and fundraisers. I made French Club Vice President and Orchestra Council Secretary. A few minor positions but I'm doing well and not overloading myself completely. lolz... Today was just the day for stress and anger. I hit Anthony because I had so much of it built up. Devin said he got into a heated argument in school, too. Kinda sucks that everyone is being all stressed out today. Ally made me mad above all, besides the fact that my viola solo in class went horribly. I shook so back from nerves or something, that made it sound horrible (like fakey vibrato). Blech! :o Stacy was kicked out of the pep assembly committee practically my Jessica W. because she's a major biotch, according to Stacy. lolz... Such an interesting day.

ixcrisxi at 12:07:00 AM MDT

It's awesome seeing everyone in the pictures....Morgan looks all growed up and so cute! lol, I miss ya, Cris. You'll always be my little violist :)

Comment from anitsirhcfa - 10/8/04 11:27 PM

Sorry, Stacy... :( My mistake, all! I guess Stacy didn't say that now that I think about it! Funny that I'm replying to my own journal entries, eh? ;) Well... No! Stacy did not say that Jessica Waugh was a biotch. lolz... :( My mistake and I apologize. But now that that is over... Let me get on my soapbox! **cough cough** I write about my life from my point of view for everyone's sake. I know that a lot of my friends want to know what is on my mind. Honestly, it's sometimes hard for me to explain things in person for fear of trying to look bad or stupid in some way. I know that it's a silly insecurity but it's so true! I'm always stressed and would rather not have serious conversations in like school or around a ton of other people. So, I do what I can. So, please reply and give me advice or just opinions or maybe quotes from books or people or The Bible. I'm welcome to any advice and will take anything with a grain of salt. Thanks all! I'll get off my soapbox now... :*

Comment from ixcrisxi - 10/5/04 9:38 PM

Cristina, I didn’t call Jessica a biotch! I never call anyone that unless they really get me going, and that rarely happens. I was just upset over something in student cabinet, but Jessica’s a cool person. Psh, if you’re gonna talk crap about me, then just…no. ;)

Comment from stacybee010 - 10/5/04 9:29 PM

hey there Crissy, its Jordan. so what's this about Stacy (mossberger i presume?) getting kicked off the pep assembly committee because of Jessica W (waugh, i think you mean? right? the one wiht blonde hair?) i dont get it. lol. YOUR VIOLA SOLO WAS GORGEOUS!!!! i thought it sounded very nice, and the parts that you feel that you need more work on, well you have time to do that. you'll be fine, you'll see! i have faith in you!

Comment from superprep40 - 9/25/04 6:24 PM

Saturday, September 18, 2004
The last roll from the wedding after I've cooled down a bit...
Silly

I hate it when people specifically find the time to piss you off. ;)

ixcrisxi at 11:55:00 PM MDT

Saturday, September 18, 2004
I can't stand people who can't drop anything...
Happy

Danielle: look ya little wretch, you don't deserve our kindness because we don't trust and plus there is no way in HELL that i would have just sat back and watch u hurt one of my best friends. BURN IN HELL!!!!!

Me: not your place ro pass judgement on me in any means, i wasn't saying that you should sit back and be idle in it, i was saying that you were immature about handling it

Danielle: Now u act like a christian well part of that is being able to tell the truth and the way u were handling the situation was wrong

Me: did i say that I was right in the way i was doing things? no

Danielle: if ur going to give off the christian "vibe" just don't do it on sundays

Me: i'm not trying to pin you down and say that one person in particular was wrong about this or that, i'm just saying that the situation is over and done with, hindsight is 20/20

Danielle: Not according to ur journal, HO!

Me: there are a ton of things i could've done differently but that doesn't change what happened in the past, it's my journal, my thoughts... how do you know what i was thinking or for that matter how to interpret my messages, you don't cause you're not me, and you can't tell me who i am or what is inside me better than i can tell you, so maybe you and myra should just lay off and forget about it, it doesn't matter anymore, y'know, the damage is done, and whether you'd like to believe me or not, i've learned a lot from collin and myra and you

Danielle: Thank God cause i would have shot myself by now cause i would have realized that i'm a horrible person. Plus this is just u and me, has nothing to do with Myra

Me: and if i can take something away from all of this no matter how wrong I was... i'm still a better person in some way

Danielle: well i guess your really full of it

Me: cause i care what you are saying...

Danielle: you are so far in the dark i think Jesus shouold just give up on you cause you're a lost cause

Me: don't talk to me about Jesus, you have no right to give me a religious sermon

Danielle: girl YOU don't talk to ME about Jesus

Me: i haven't been, you're the one bringing up jesus and how's he's giving up on me

Danielle: frankly i tell you whatever i want

Me: then do, but i don't really have to listen or read for that matter

Danielle: then why ya still talkin to me

Me: why do you and myra even bother to talk to me when you are completely provincial about everything

Danielle: i told you Myra has nothing to do with this. Are Stupid, simple, or slow, which one

Me: like i said, provincial and completely two-faced, both of you

Danielle: the last person who called me two-faced got a good cussin out and you're headin in that direction

Me: well if you weren't that way, i wouldn't have to tell you that now would I?

Danielle: look Bitch shut the fuck up and you don't know shit about me

Me: and you don't know shit about me, so don't go judging me like you do, and i won't do the same back to you

Danielle: i don't judge i tell the truth

Me: is a little more anxious about it then the other, why? cause they can't take anythingwith a grain of salt by any means

Danielle: whatever. look the next time see you, you better hope and pray that i don't drop kick you in your damn mouth.

Me: wow... for a second i thought you'd be a better person than that... o wait... wrong person

Danielle: oh now you can guarantee that i will beat your ass down

Me: i'm curious as to where you get off making threats like so openly, i mean, i've really only said one thing that could remotely make you angry at this point

Danielle: im not afraid to tell people whats on my mind and its not a threat

Me: you're out of control to say the very least. well, how gracious of you to tell me it wasn't a threat

Danielle: okay but at least im willing to admit my faults

Me: i haven't admitted my faults?

Danielle: nope

Me: i think we might've gone in different directions at this point. i remember very wholly and honestly admitting to everything that happened, anything that has ever happened. what have i not admitted in your opinion, danielle?

Danielle: the fact is you only admit something when it's affecting your best interest and that's wrong

Me: really? wow... you are so wrong you'd never believe it

Danielle: really? how

Me: but that goes back to the whole you don't know me at all thing again

Danielle: honestly i really don't want to know you cause of everything i've witnessed i think you're a horrible person

Me: then you've already shown that you aren't willing to talk to you or deserve to, cuase if you don't want to know me than you can't judge me, you can't even hate me

Danielle: oh yes i can

Me: which shows that this conversation is done cause there is no point in endless back and forth to no avail

ixcrisxi at 11:21:00 PM MDT

Your 'friend' needs to enroll in some anger management classes! I don't think she went 3 comments without cussing, which is sad. The way she delt with that situation was completely immature and hypocritical. First she tells you to go to hell and then tells you not to talk to her about religion? I'm sure God's love is just bursting through her. Good job with keeping your temper with that child; to say the least, you won that arguement.

Comment from missamerica1055 - 9/19/04 6:50 PM

Saturday, September 18, 2004
Permit Test
Anxious Wicked - The Wizard & I

Today I had driving school! I passed my permit test, too! I only missed like two questions. It was pretty boring in the long haul but it was still semi-fun. lolz... Let me back up and tell you about my week.

Monday - Nothing special.

Tuesday - First chorale practice of the year for Cyndi and I. It was a ton of fun. We're singing "The Awakening." It's the best piece ever! I love it to death.

Wednesday - Half-day. We had marching band from 12:30PM to 3 PM. Lots of marching but we still got a ton of drill done. I'm proud of myself for that.

Thursday - 180 Degrees at lunch. It was fun. Our lesson was about how our earthly things will never follow us to heaven bu our souls will. So, we should pray to God and have an everlasting relationship with him on Earth so that he will continue to guide us always as we move on to other things. Then I had marching band. Tons of fun! Cyndi and I went to the second chorale practice ever and went through some new music again. Brad asked me to do this solo descant part in teh first soprano line if I can sing it. I'm so exited! It's in the Moses Hogan arrangement of "The Battle of Jericho." It's a great piece of music.

Friday - We got out of school right after lunch to get dressed and ready for the football game @ 4PM. Mr. Olivas talked to us about being a team within the color guard and the band so that we work more efficiently and are cleaner on all of our moves. Then we went to the game. The field show was superb despite the crazy winds. We won against Pueblo Central. It was a great game! They almost had me scared by the end of the game when Pueble Central kept scoring, but we came back in a thrilling underdog victory. lolz... Then, we went back to the school and went home. Cyndi and I changed at home and the family went over to Devin's house for dinner with his family. Lydia and Cameron were there but their Dad wasn't there. (Lydia is Cameron's girlfriend.) Alors, Dad said I could go to Homecoming so long as my grades stayed up.

Saturday - Driving school and bingo. We didn't go to bingo because we heard about it not two hours ago, and Dad is working a ton this week and is too tired to go. So, next time is fine for us! I already told you about driving school.

ixcrisxi at 9:32:00 PM MDT (Link to this entry)

Yay for Cristina! You'll be out on the roads driving with the masses in no time! On the other hand..maybe you should keep your permit for a year..lol! j/k. You'll be a great driver.You better be able to come to Homecoming! It's going to be so much fun! Especially since you have your *special* friend coming with you! As long as you don't do any "hanky-panky" as Mr. Adams referred to it as! lol! Je ne suis pas serieux. Tu as un bien fille!The pictures from your sister's wedding are so beautimous! I love her dress; I want one that looks similar to that when I get married, but I won't go into detail about that. Her husband has some long hair! I wouldn't have that much patience to grow my hair, especially since I just cut it. I could imagine Anthony growing his hair that long, though. lolz I wish I could've been in Reno!Well good luck with your Chorale fundraiser; I'm sure lots of random people will donate! lol I support you! I better go tho, so bye!Bisous, StacyP.S. what is up with you playing bingo? Next week, you, me, and Prunelly should go out on a Saturday nite and...go play bingo. Oh yeah. lolz

Comment from missamerica1055 - 9/18/04 10:32 PM

Saturday, September 11, 2004
Jen's Wedding
Chillin'

Sister Jen's Wedding was today. She was so gorgeous. We had the ceremony and the reception at the Ponderosa Ranch just outside of Lake Tahoe. The wedding ceremony was around 1 PM and the reception followed that. We took a ton of nice pictures. My new brother-in-law's name is Jon! He's such a great guy. I cried so hard at the wedding when my father and Jen's step-father walked her down the aisle and gave her away. Everyone in the family cried. It was a beautiful thing. I'll write more with the next batch of pictures. There are a ton of images for me to load so stay with me here!

P.S. I called Devin thinking that it was before 9 PM but was told when I called not to call after 9 PM. Apparently Nevada is behind an hour from Colorado... So, I called him way too late twice. lolz... How embarassing, right? Alors, after that, I called T.J. just as he got home and we talked for about 2 hours. He's having some troubles. I talked to him and kinda found out where the two of us stood together on this Earth. He's writing me an e-mail within the next 30 to 45 min. I'll let you know what happened.

Thursday, August 5, 2004
Closure
Worried 88.7 FM KCME

I don't understand this emotion all too completely, but for some reason I feel worried. I'm beginning to wonder if something else is underlying in how Collin and I feel about eachother. Or, is there something else I did wrong that I am not conscious about? Maybe I'm too young or naive to understand this situation entirely. I mean, I was honest with him in every way... I could've told him soon after, true... But like he said, "Sometimes I don't want to tell you things that will cause you to feel more depressed." Right out of the horse's mouth... I don't know. Maybe that's wrong of me but I have always been honest with him, brutally honest! Except for the one instance beforehand and that's a totally different story. One lie can ruin your reputation forever but you also have to interpret feelings and the heart to know whether you can truly trstu someone... So, there must be something else there for him to blatantly tell me that he can't trust me. Would he rather me lead him on and be found out or me being honest and mistreating him? First of all, it's not like I had any conscious idea that T.J. was going to kiss me at all. I had no idea that was going to happen but it did. And... That's something I have to deal with. If I would've know I would've avoided the situation entirely and none of this would have happened and we would have been fine until something else shattered out hopes of ever being in a "healthy relationship" ever again. It frustrates me when Mike tells me that Collin feels the same way that I do but that you can't give out second chances forever and that he couldn't handle me saying sorry and then slapping him in the face again and again. I don't hurt him on purpose. The prom thing was entirely my fault and I know that. It could've easily been avoided if I would've just said no to begin with... How could I have known that Robert was going to kiss me after the Forensics tournament a I was getting out of the car or that T.J. was going to kiss me before he left as I was hugging him good-bye? I wonder what signs I could be sending out to people as I say hello or talk with them alone... I wonder if I'm totally insane for thinking that I've been wronged a million times by myself because I took all the blame for the things that happened to me without my prior knowledge of anything of the sort in anyone's mind!!! Maybe I am just a victim of my own body language or maybe just a victim of misfortune... Being in the wrong place and the wrong time... Things happening for only God knows what reasons... I don't know why I don't see the ever-so-apparent red flags that I'm supposed to see, as everyone says there are, when I look at my best friends before they surprise me with an unwanted kiss. Can I help that I am only human and panic when put in situations that I know will frown upon me in more than one way?!? I HATE THIS!!! It's because love runs deep that I feel this way, I know it. It's also because of my misfortune and my own naive disposition that makes the well of love within me run dry when I feel I've got something good. I always seem to push away the things that I want to hold on to and keep the things I know I should toss away... This is all too confusing... I don't know what is what or how I am supposed to react to any of this... Why do I still feel this way when I just started convincing myself that I was going to be okay? I'm not going to be okay unless Collin can look me in the face and say that this is what is best for the both of us, that this is what was meant to be.

ixcrisxi at 10:52:00 PM MDT

Saturday, July 31, 2004
It's over... FOR REAL!
Angry Ayumi Hamasaki - A Song Is Born

Well, it's over for real this time. He e-mailed me and this is what he said:

Cristina,
I hate to have to write this message, but I feel, obviously, that I have to let you know what I'm thinking. First off, sorry it's taken me so long to get back with you; I've been quite busy. As I've wrestled over things in my mind, I've come to the conclusion that really, I'm afraid there's no hope for the relationship at this point. I hear rumors, and no doubt there are other things going on, as you alluded to in your last message, but in the end it comes down to me and you, and I simply don't think it will work anymore. It kills me to have to say this, but as things stand, it's just impossible for a healthy relationship to continue (or start again) after so many strains having been put on it. I think you and I are in different places; I didn't ever use to think that, but that's what the facts all point to these days. I really hoped that it wouldn't come down to this, but I think it's the only choice at this point. I don't know what will happen in the future, and maybe someday we will see more eye-to-eye, but I'm afraid that this is not the case now. You'll always hold a very dear place in my heart, and thank you for all the wonderful times we had together. It's a shame it just couldn't work out.
Collin

Well, I guess I can't argue with that. lolz... So, I cried over it quite a bit. It hurts that he wouldn't talk to me alone much at all before assuming any rumors true. I don't know. It was kind of a relief being set free but that's kinda dumb considering all that Collin and I have been through in these past two years (two years almost). I don't know... I've been moving on slowly by going out with friends and surveying my other opportunities in the guy department. lol That sounds kinda impartial but that's okay for me. It doesn't bother me much at all anymore. It just hurts to think about how much I really did love him and how all that was just thrown away because we couldnt have one simple conversation with eachother.

ixcrisxi at 2:00:00 PM MDT

Monday, July 26, 2004
Picture Update #2
Frustrated A Perfect Circle - The Noose

Things are a bit weird for me right now. I'm confused and hurt, even though I'm the one who shouldn't be feeling anything but guilt. It pains me to think that maybe I messed up so badly that nothing in the world is going to change it or can, for that matter. Sarah, Marcus, Cyndi, Katie (Sarah's little sister), and I went to Q Zar to play some lasertag. We played two games, both ending up horribly for all of us, and then we went out to Sonic for some dinner. We all ended up going to my house to watch The Butterfly Effect and eat our food. Dad's at work right now; he left around 10PM. At least, that's what I gathered from Cyndi. They all left after the movie, that was around 12:15AM. I'm glad that everyone had a really good time. I had fun. The movie moved me to a place where I didn't have to focus on anything but it and it made me feel at home again. I haven't felt like that for such a long time now. I guess it's only been about one week, though... I feel like my entire life has turned upside down. I can't live without him there... But I guess I'll have to learn to just deal with it and learn to be the person Collin loved and had fun with, not the cold-hearted person I can be. I'm gonna try to change for him, even if I can never be with him again. I just need to show myself that I can be faithful and that my love for him is something I can be happy and satistifed with for the rest of my life. I messed up so badly this time I can't eat or sleep or write or read or do anything anymore. I think about him and remember every single time he had confided the things on his mind to me privately. I remember how I told him that I would never break his heart like that, that I would never hurt him like that.... Then I said, I love you. I told him not to worry; I made the worst of all his fears come true in an instant. I could have lied to him and no one would have known. I could have just said nothing but how? I love him.... I promised him that I would never lie to him again. I didn't lie to him again, but I did break his heart again. I wish I could take everything back and make sure beyond a doubt that nothing would have happened and that nothing would have changed. I love him too much to lose him. Now that I might lose him, I feel like my heart is slowly breaking down. I don't think I could handle leaving him on this note. I couldn't... I can't. I love him.

Sunday, July 18, 2004
Incroyable!
Angry

I have done so many things to hurt Collin. Why? You've got me there. Maybe I just don't try hard enough to keep myself out of bad situations. I try, maybe not even hard enough, to make things work but they always end up blowing up in my face one way or another. Tonight, Myra and Danielle confronted Collin and told him that I had kissed T.J. Good for them. It really hurts to be publicly humiliated. Wait... I should tell the whole story first. Sarah tells me to go over and say good-bye to Collin when he walks up to me. He kissed my cheek and said "Hey you!" Sounded pretty nice to me... Not the case. He grabs my hand and leads me to where I know Myra and Danielle were "talking" to him. I automatically say that I don't want to go over there at all. He says to just go with him. So I did. Boy, do I wish that I didn't. He tells me he had heard something interesting just a few moments ago... I told him to tell me without the nice padding. He said, "I heard that you kissed another guy..." What was I supposed to say? "Why, yes, actually. It was soooo great! I did it on purpose because I want to hurt you!" I'm sorry but that's a bit ridiculous. I wasn't going to lie in front of him and to his face, nor would I ever lie to him at all ever again. It hurts to think that he would so naturally assume the worst about me and then later say that he trusted me. I pulled him away from Myra and Danielle, hearing them in the background saying "Go ahead and make up your excuses, Cristina!" Shut up! It was none of their business in the first place but since they chose to tell him without confronting me first...? Oh well... It's a little too late to change that, hindsight is 20/20 and all. I ask him questions and he says things to me, all the while wiping my tears but still with the same expression. The whole situation was unfair to me. I can't really say much more about what we talked about and what happened other than the fact that he walked away from me and back to Myra and Danielle. Why? Only god knows... I love him, but I don't think that after tonight's "chat," if you will, he ever really loved me. I don't know really why I feel this way so much. I strongly believe that when you truly love someone, it's an unconditional thing. I kept hearing I loved you from him... That hurts. I have no idea if the world is just out to get me, or if Myra and Danielle are pitted against me for all time... I sincerely thought them as friends for the longest time and now I have to question those feelings in so many ways. I'm sure a lot of people who'll read this will think me ridiculous or think, "What a great big lie and excuse she's making for herself?!? She deserves what she's getting!" Well... I can't say that I don't deserve part of it but it was unfair in every way to publicly call me out and not confront me first before letting it all out in the open. Gossip doesn't make very close friends, does it? I'm sorry for what I did. It kinda makes me angry that no matter how upfront or truthful and honest I am with people, they can never reciprocate that with me. They always tell someone, talk behind my back, and tell me at the last moment... It makes healing a lot harder and life a bit more unbearable. I don't know what I can say or do... It's a crutch to say I'm sorry all the time for things that you do. it's a nice gesture but I don't believe in that phrase anymore. It's a plea for forgiveness and pity. I cannot ask forgiveness of anyone or make them see things my way. They jsut have to do it for themselves. I would certainly appreciate being talked to first about things that concern me, personally. Alas, this I cannot also ask. So, I pray that things will work out between everyone who has so graciously involved themselves in this situation. I wish there would've been another way or another time... It has already happened so I guess I can only see what comes out of this mess and hope that I haven't been fighting for and screwing up my life and my relationships with close friends for a hopeless cause... I can't be angry at Collin for feelings the thing he does right now. I can only be angry that he talk to me about it.

ixcrisxi at 10:28:00 PM MDT

Your "friends" need to grow up. If the best thing they can do with their time is to sit around reading all of your journals and pointing out of your faults, well then they are completely pathetic. You don't need jealous gossiping friends like that that have no lives; all they do is try to bring you down, and that's the last thing anyone needs. -Bisous

Comment from stacybee010 - 7/24/04 7:53 AM

Saturday, July 17, 2004
a day in wonderment
Worried Usher - Bad Girl

Today was pretty uneventful as it usually happens to be. lol... I woke up after sleeping in. Though, I did get up earlier than usual, 9:30 AM to be exact. ;) Then, Mom called me and said to move the cushions on one of the outdoor swings under the awning and on the porch, peel four carrots, clear off the dining room table, and clean up the kitchen. We're having a BBQ tomorrow evening so there is a lot to be done. Dad's boss and a bunch of my parents' friends are coming over. Collin and his parents were invited, also. I hope they can come! I miss Collin. He's been feeling really low lately, and I barely know why. He's just really stressed, and it's killing me to see him like this. I hope I can help him through it. :) Alors, it rained like nothing else today (cats and dogs, to be exact). rofl We had flood warnings and thunderstorm warnings, etc. So, it rained on and off pretty heavily starting at 1:30 PM, and it hasn't stopped since. Fountain Creek was flooded over and spilled into some of the nearby parks, valleys, and reservoirs. So, maybe we'll have some more water to get us out of this awful drought. At least we're getting a lot of cooler weather now, I mean. We've been in the 80s and above for quite a while now. Naturally, I'm glad to be able to sleep without a fan and in my own room again. lol Dad and Cyndi don't like Sarah too much, je sais. They voiced this to me on account of the fact that "we don't see enough of you and you aren't doing any chores." Excuse me!!! I so have been doing my chores. It's been way better than usual lately. I have always asked and planned things out ahead of time this week especially to hang out with Sarah and my other friends. And Dad and Cyndi have to pull this crap on me. I'm glad that Mom doesn't care what I do much unless she doesn't know what's going on at all with me. So, maybe I'm scoring some brownie points with her. I mean, I did go hiking the other day on a whim with Sarah, Marcus, and J.B. I got punished for not taking Cyndi to the movies or hiking, btw. Dad said that I was the one being rude and rushy and inconsiderate. HELLO! I asked Cyndi nicely to do things and she retaliated like she was PMSing!!! So, I can't help it if she's gonna be stupid with me. Geez! Cyndi and I helped put together the "shish-kabobs" for the BBQ tomorrow and watched Ocean's Eleven. Then, we watched the new Disney Channel movie, [insert name here 'cause I forgot what it's called]. lmao!!! She kicked me off the couch so she could go to sleep and I went upstairs to my room to write in here and download some more mp3s. So, ttyl! Tchao!

ixcrisxi at 12:41:00 AM MDT

Friday, July 16, 2004
Of Angels and Light
Anxious Seether featuring Amy Lee - Broken

Monday - chores... :(

Tuesday - I got up around 7:00 AM so I could walk to Mesa Ridge with Cyndi for Color Guard practice. It was a lot of fun. We finished learning Thunderbox and the School Song and began working on the drill for our parade piece. It's pretty boring but the music is awesome. I'm excited because I'm up front and on the outside this year. So, I'll get a ton of exposure! Yeah for me! Then, Sarah took me to chorale. We had a ton of fun. We went for those Jr. Banana Splits from Sonic. They were so tiny and such a rip-off but they were really good and gave us the sugar rush we needed. After that, we drove around town and stopped by Memorial Park to watch the ducks but Sarah didn't know that the lake had been drained. So then we went to go visit with Collin for a little bit. Afterwards, we headed for chorale (where we laughed everytime we saw eachother and sang a bunch). Then, we went to my house and Sarah spent the night. We decided that we were going to go hiking the next day in Garden of the Gods. Marcus and J.B. said that they could go and I asked T.J. if he could go but he couldn't. So, I begged and begged him but he stll couldn't go. So, I just talked to him for a long time... like 4 AM!!!

Wednesday - We got up around 8:00 AM when T.J. called and said he was stopping by. So, we started getting ready very, very slowly and he showed up at 10 AM with Sarah and I not dressed and hair not done (with morning breath, too)! So, we got prepared fast and talked to T.J. Then, when T.J. left, I was walking him out. I gave him a hug before he left. I walked him to his car and hugged him again (he actually left around 11:30 AM). Then, I went back inside and got sandwich stuff together and we called Marcus and J.B. to make sure they were ready to get picked up. Cyndi was supposed to go with us but she threw a big hissy fit and we left her at home by her own request. lolz... So, we picked up Marcus first and then J.B. Then we headed off to Garden of the Gods. We hiked around until 4 PM. Then, we went back to Security so Sarah could gas up and get money from the bank. We then proceeded to drop J.B. off at his house. We stayed there for water and good conversation until around 5:30 PM before we left for my house. Cyndi called me and asked where I was and asked if I wanted to go to a movie that night. I said yes and invited Sarah and Marcus. Eventually I invited T.J. since he can do almost anything at night when his parents are both home. So, Sarah, Marcus, and I go to my house for a ramen, egg, and water dinner. Then, I go in to wash dishes and Sarah and Marcus talk to J.B. on Sarah's cell (switching to the house phone after her phone dies). lolz... Dad wasn't too happy about that but he'll survive. So, T.J. shows up and watches me finish up the dishes. We are about to get into T.J.'s car when Cyndi announces that she can't fit into the back seat with Marcus and Sarah. I say she can and she starts yelling at me and storms off. I offer her the front seat but she just ignores me. I chase after her and have an argument with her and Dad. Dad says I can just go with my friends and we'll talk later. Yeah right!!! Alors, we go to the movie without Cyndi and see Dodgebll (my second time, mind you). During the movie, T.J. and I were fighting over the arm rest, so I gave up and rested my arm on top of his on top of the arm rest and I let my fingertips run over his knuckles and fingers. ;) We go out to Sonic after the movie, with T.J. and I flirting even more. Sarak and Marcus remind me of my love for Collin while T.J. is paying. lol We go back to my house and Sarah and Marcus leave immediately. T.J. stayed with me and talked to me for 15 minutes on my porch and in front of his car. We hug and it feels nice. I keep myself in check because I have a better thing in my life right now (Collin). And I love Collin with all my heart.

Thursday - Mom and Dad both call me on different phones to tell me they forgot to take out the trash for the trashmen. So, I do that and fall back asleep. Then, Cyndi wakes me up and tells me something but I fall asleep again. I wake up around 2 PM and do dishes, eat, clean out the back fridge, vaccum(sp?) downstairs, and clean up Phoenix's puke on mom's bedspread. Sarah calls me and we go to chorale a little early. We are let out a half hour early and we go to my house for dinner and so I can do some more chores. I do dishes and clean my room and change the sheets, change my clothes and we're off the Broadmoor Hotel for "Of Angels and Light." It was really beautiful and nice. I have one picture above of the grass and my right shoe. Thank Sarah for that one! rofl Sarah and I walked with Collin and Mason to the west parking lot and I said good-bye to Collin and Mason, and Sarah and I went to Wendy's for a late night dinner. Now I'm home eating the rest of my dinner, talking to Collin, and writing this.

ixcrisxi at 2:17:00 AM MDT

Monday, July 12, 2004
1st Congregational Services
Flirtatious Missy Elliot - I'm Really Hot

I love this song! lol... Whateva. Anyway... I had to wake up early this morning to perform two services at 1st Congregational Church with Summit. It was a ton of fun. I was about 45 minutes late but I was okay. I just spit out my excuses and said sorry and moved on. That's all you can really do since it was already behind me anyway. Anyway, we sang the first service (which was relatively small). Then, we had a small brunchy snack thingy of fruit, donuts, and juice and then lined up for another service. lol... Collin and I joked around in the back of the room as the organist was playing and the people were getting settled in. Marcia had said in her speech in ther service before that the chorale was having the world here in Colorado Springs for a choir festival and I was like "Oh! Really?!?" lol... We had a few good laughs out of that one. After that service, I said good-bye to Collin and Sarah and I went back to Fountain to get changed and meet my family and Maria and Richard at Rudy's for a nice Mexican Breakfast/Lunch. I had chicken enchiladas, with beans and rice. Sarah had the same thing except her enchiladas were only cheese. My family and Maria and Richard had already finished eating by the time that Sarah and I got there so we ordered and Dad said to come home soon. So, Sarah and I ate and went to her house to look at a newspaper for movie times. Then we went to go see King Arthur. It was such a great movie. Historically accurate and with a different twist of the usual Merlin/Magic thing. I loved it! During the movie Dad was blowing up my cell phone with calls and voicemails. lolz... So, I called him after. He thought that I as going to be home right after we ate, but I had said that Sarah and I were going to a movie. So misunderstood. But oh well... All was well. I got home around 4 PM and then immediately started my laundry. Mom, Dad, and Cyndi went to Harry and Jutta's for a BBQ and I stayed home to eat, watch t.v., sleep, and finish my laundry. They even brought me home a rib, baked beans with bacon and some german potato salad with bacon in it. I love bacon so that was all good. Then I had an ice-cream while we watched Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone on ABC Family. I loved the deleted scenes that we added in for the t.v. showing. It really did add a ton to the movie. We watched Cops and some other things and then everyone slowly drifted off to bed. Now, I'm talking to Prunelle, listening to Ayumi Hamasaki, and chillin' in my room on cyndi's laptop. ;)

ixcrisxi at 12:57:00 AM MDT

Wednesday, July 7, 2004
bored again
Frustrated Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body

Yesterday - I got up early and went to Color Guard Practice. We didn't do much except for learn Thunderbox and go over the School song. We also learned a few tricky tosses. Theya re amazing when done the right way, though. ;) After that, Mom took Cyndi and I to a friend's funeral and we went out to eat lunch at this Korean restaurant. I had Galbi. Mom had Ojingoh and soup. And, Cyndi had Hot Chicken. lol... That's really what it was called! Then, we went home to go get Phoenix and drop off our leftover food before we went to Fantastic Sams for haircuts. Cyndi got her hair layered, trimmed, and thinned. I got a razored bob. It looks really cool when I style it. Otherwise, it looks sexy hot when I wear the right clothes. Otherwise, I look like a boy! :( I started working on writing out Seitz's First Pupil's Concerto on Sibelius so I can hear the solo part with the accompaniment. So far, so good... lol. We went to a BBQ at Leona's house to welcome her niece and her niece's baby. She's so darling! Ocavil and I talked online via Yahoo messenger. He saw me through my webcam but we couldn't get his to show me anything. So, c'est la vie, eh?

Today - I woke up around 2 PM on account of me staying up until 2 AM last night. lol... Then, I went into the kitchen to eat a brunch or rice, sausage, and egg. The egg didn't settle well with my stomach but it was okay. I just let Mom eat it whens he got home from work. Alors, I cleaned my bathroom, put up my laundry, made my bed, changed, put in contacts, brushed my hair, and helped Cyndi clean out the trash can on the back patio. After that, I went to go water the garden out back but Dad said I was doing it all wrong and was just watering the rock, so he took the hose from me and did the rest of it himself. I hate it when people don't just give me some instruction instead of doing thigns for me. That's one of my chores, and thanks to him I won't get paid for doing that today by Mom. Geez! Stacy called me sometime today and said that she had bought all the music for Miss Smith's wedding. So, I guess that I don't have to worry about that all too much. Good for me, I suppose. We ate a chicken stew type thing for dinner and I went to go work on Sibelius and read e-mail. I'm updating my calendar on AOL, downloading an mp3, and sending out lyrics for a mailing list I am in. I like to help where I can. But you knew that! I washed dishes and made rice earlier, too. lol...

ixcrisxi at 7:54:00 PM MDT

Monday, July 5, 2004
Lasertag
Mischievous Brian McKnight - You Could Be The One

Today was pretty cool. I was cleaning the house (chores and all that) when T.J. called and asked if I'd like to go to Lasertag with him, Jessica, and Jessica's friend. I got to go, and we played three games (that were so awesome). I had a ton of fun. I was third place on my second game, which was a free-for-all. It was so awesome. T.J. and I are really close despite not talking a lot, which was so awesome. He picked me up and dropped me off. Dad was a little put off by it but I guess he can get over it. Right? Anyway, I had fun and came home and now I'm here... Sitting alone in front of my computer... Wishing for someone to hang with... Someone like Collin. lol... Enough of that. Catch ya' laterz!

ixcrisxi at 10:53:00 PM MDT

Monday, July 5, 2004
4th of July
Happy Nine Inch Nails - Reptile

Yo! lol... I need to stop that. But anyway, today was the best! I didn't think that it would end the way taht it did but it sure did. I woke up around 9:30 this morning and had a small breakfast. Then, I finished my laundry and took a nice long shower. I shaved my legs with that new Veet mousse stuff. Let me tell you! It is so great! It really works. I recommend it to anyone who hates using a razor in the shower or the bathtub. ;) Alors, Mom and Dad went to a party at one of their friend's house and Collin came over shortly after they left. He drove himself! It's exciting. Anyway, we watched Tombstone for a bit and then went to Wal-Mart to try and get The Cure's newest album. We couldn't find it so we went back home and had a snack. Then we went into the t.v. room and watched The Music Man on CBS. After a short while, we went to go eat dinner (during which we had to go converse with Morgan and set-up a table on the driveway for fireworks). So we finished our meal outside watching fireworks and having a great time. Leona & Leona (lol), Robert, Eugene, Dad, Mom, Cyndi, Collin, Phoenix, Morgan, Morgan's parents and brothers, Jennifer Brooks, Brian, Cliff and Bev, and I were all outside lighting fireworks and enjoying the fireworks that the neighbors around the area were setting off. At some point Collin and I went out to go get tortilla ships for this spicy salsa Mom had made. My first dip of that stuff really stuck with me! ;) It was overall a great night!

ixcrisxi at 12:45:00 AM MDT

Thursday, July 1, 2004

I think that I'm getting the hang of the sabre. Didn't I tell you? I'm trying out for the sabre line for Marching Band. I didn't have the time or strength to do it last year but I'm so ready this year. Our theme is Pirates of the Caribbean, so we're gonna be smokin'! We're wearing white body suits, black pelazzo pants, and corset vests. We also have to buy new black marching shoes. We used nude ones last year. I don't know. It all costs $91. I better raise a ton of money for the Wales tour or I won't be going anywhere or doing anything during the school year or that following summer. lolz... I'm so excited for the tour. It's gonna be a blast! Btw, I have another wedding opportunity in October of this year. Neika's mom, Teresa, recommended me and my quartet for the job. It's gonna be fun but a ton of hard work. Esp. since we need about 2 hours of music altogether!

ixcrisxi at 5:51:00 PM MDT

Thursday, July 1, 2004
the stupid life...
Sad Clay Aiken - When You Say You Love Me

I miss Collin a lot now. He's sick and I want to be there for him. I've seen him a lot lately. I don't know. Maybe I run to hi to lose myself, ease my problems away. I don't know. It hurts though. I hate being so out of touch all the time. It's hard to do anything when you think that the entire world is out to get you. There's this feeling of rejection that I'm getting from everyone, and I even feel it from Collin I know that he cares and wants to hear about my problems and my good times but he has a funny way of showing it. I feel almost kicked to the curb and brushed aside by everyone. It hurts me. I hate it so much. God! I've been so tired, lonely, and depressed as of late. I hate these feelings of betrayal but how so I get rid of them? Just forget about it or create more problems by confronting people about them? I would think not. I just need someone I can always talk to. You know what I mean? Someone I feel really attuned to and someone who understands almost everything about me. Heh he he... Someone like Collin, actually. Funny isn't it? I can't stop thinking about him. Almost as if I'm dependent upon him. But still... I'm always afraid of calling at a bad time or leaving a conversation unfinished. Nevermind. I guess that's not true. I always leave things unsaid, unspoken and internalized. I hate myself.

ixcrisxi at 12:36:00 AM MDT