Tuesday, April 13, 2004
It's over... I think
Quiet Fefe Dobson - Bye Bye Boyfriend

Even though I've placed myself at fault with this whole Collin situation... I feel that I've read into things a little too much or not enough. I also think that the both of us could've tried harder. I've called over to his house so many times and still I have no idea why this isn't working in any way. We've been locked in this stalemate for long enough. I'm done. I can't handle this anymore no matter who is at fault. Relationships are two-way streets, y'know? I can only do so much without Collin there with me. I'm quitting this in a sense that I don't know what I can do. It sounds selfish and stupid in a lot of ways but how reasonable can I be with myself before I break? I've gotten no sleep for the past week and I'm beginning to suffer from that. I've been worried about relationships and all this for too long. I can't go on like this unless I know how he feels entirely. I've been getting bits and pieces of the truth and I want it all no matter how bitterly honest it may be. I just want some kind of resolution. I want with all my heart to go back to that quiet, shy girl that I used to be. I want to be the girl who was too shy to like guys and too quiet to ever speak to anyone who I didn't need to. I wish I was more closed off to the world but here I am. I'm me in every way possible, the best and worst of me all wrapped into one right at this very moment. I'm confused and naive and I know that I've made a terrible mistake but I'm truly sorry. I don't know how I can ever convey that in words or in actions if no one is willing to listen or to watch. I can only sit and do my best to be who I am, the bad and the good, day by day. I love Collin but I can't hurt him anymore... This must be good-bye.

ixcrisxi at 11:27:00 PM MDT